A Day with Mental Illness

I know for many of you, mental illness is not something that is easy for you to understand. Probably because you can't relate to it...at all. But, the fact is, millions of people suffer from some form of mental illness and there NEEDS to be more understanding. There needs to be more forms of 'therapy' to get through it.

I want to share a little of my experience/battle with Depression.

Yesterday was a friggin doozy. Started off fine, but then all of a sudden, just ONE little thing sent my brain into tunnel vision. It became the only thing I could focus on. It filled me with hurt, anger, fear, and something that I could not hide outwardly (although, you could not tell from my posting on FB as I try to stay chipper as much as I can). I tried very hard to direct my attention elsewhere. I had a photo shoot with my Rock Pets. I tried to read. Nothing was helping. I ended up leaving the house with my notebook and just...stayed away. I thought it might help clear my head. It kinda made things worse. I thought about ramming into every tree, every ditch, or every semi that came my way. When you can't escape your thoughts, you start thinking of getting out...a lot. But, I found a place to park. Watched some Netflix on my phone (that's like having two dialogues going through your head). Then...busted out my notebook and started writing. All the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing came through onto the pages. This is a new thing for me, journal writing. Not only can I use my notes as a part of my study, but it is a HUGE blessing in understanding what I go through one day and is completely gone the next.

The writing helped a wee bit, but I was still feeling prisoner to my thoughts. I came home and went straight to bed. I wanted to sleep... but couldnt. What I needed was a hug. An embrace. Some warmth bringing my senses back to a level playing field. If I had just sought out the hug prior to the plummet, I would have been fine. But I didnt. I couldn't. Instead, for the next 8 hours, I lived in my own hell. Unable to escape, just wanting to be rescued. I missed my kids who are always eager to give me loves. For the last 2 hours of my night, I sat and cried....and cried and cried. There is nothing worse than feeling like you are absolutely alone, even when you know you aren't. (Even sitting here writing this is making me cry, just in remembering).

For me, I know there is a cognitive solution to this. There has to be a way for me to beat this without taking a f**king pill. Thought therapy. More hugs.

If you, or someone you know is having a rough go at it...give them a god damn hug.