A Day with Mental Illness

I know for many of you, mental illness is not something that is easy for you to understand. Probably because you can't relate to it...at all. But, the fact is, millions of people suffer from some form of mental illness and there NEEDS to be more understanding. There needs to be more forms of 'therapy' to get through it.

I want to share a little of my experience/battle with Depression.

Yesterday was a friggin doozy. Started off fine, but then all of a sudden, just ONE little thing sent my brain into tunnel vision. It became the only thing I could focus on. It filled me with hurt, anger, fear, and something that I could not hide outwardly (although, you could not tell from my posting on FB as I try to stay chipper as much as I can). I tried very hard to direct my attention elsewhere. I had a photo shoot with my Rock Pets. I tried to read. Nothing was helping. I ended up leaving the house with my notebook and just...stayed away. I thought it might help clear my head. It kinda made things worse. I thought about ramming into every tree, every ditch, or every semi that came my way. When you can't escape your thoughts, you start thinking of getting out...a lot. But, I found a place to park. Watched some Netflix on my phone (that's like having two dialogues going through your head). Then...busted out my notebook and started writing. All the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing came through onto the pages. This is a new thing for me, journal writing. Not only can I use my notes as a part of my study, but it is a HUGE blessing in understanding what I go through one day and is completely gone the next.

The writing helped a wee bit, but I was still feeling prisoner to my thoughts. I came home and went straight to bed. I wanted to sleep... but couldnt. What I needed was a hug. An embrace. Some warmth bringing my senses back to a level playing field. If I had just sought out the hug prior to the plummet, I would have been fine. But I didnt. I couldn't. Instead, for the next 8 hours, I lived in my own hell. Unable to escape, just wanting to be rescued. I missed my kids who are always eager to give me loves. For the last 2 hours of my night, I sat and cried....and cried and cried. There is nothing worse than feeling like you are absolutely alone, even when you know you aren't. (Even sitting here writing this is making me cry, just in remembering).

For me, I know there is a cognitive solution to this. There has to be a way for me to beat this without taking a f**king pill. Thought therapy. More hugs.

If you, or someone you know is having a rough go at it...give them a god damn hug.

Wake Up! Enlightenment is Happening!

I believe you will never be truly happy unless you know and accept who you are and then find your place in this universe. Life is not about materialistic bullshit. (Are YOU keeping up with the Kardashians?) I believe our true purpose in life is to embrace and utilize whatever creativity we have, to better the universe.

2013 is the year. I believe that we entered into the Age of Aquarius as of the end of the Mayan Calendar. They charted the stars thru to the end of an age. The Age of Enlightenment. Halleluiah!! I am officially over all the bs of the UN-enlightened. And seriously, my "DING, lights are on!" moment encompassed a great many things. I truly hope that more people come to their own 'enlightenment' soon. Like really wake up. UNfortunately, people will not 'wake up' until they are ready to receive new open-minded information.

Want to know more? 

Here are three things that have been life changers for me:

A. Depression levels are so high throughout the world. Why? Because the voices in our head are LOUD, we dont always know how to turn them off, and psychology without astrology sucks. This is how I put my depression in check:

• 1st. I read my Natal Chart. Did you know that there is more to your 'sign' than just your sun sign? (In my case, Capricorn.) Each planet in our solar system has a different affect on your personality, from your heart, to thought process, and even how you might be in the sack. The following link will take you to a place where you can enter your birth info, and get an astrological breakdown on the basics of you. Click Here.
• 2nd. I just discovered the 12 Houses in astrology...that's nerd speak for the voices in your head. This is a little more complicated to figure out. But you can Click Here to see a description of the Sun sign thru the 12 Houses. There will also be links in the right hand column to see how the other planets affect you in each of the houses. Want to know more?  Come back later for a blog post dedicated to the houses!

 Reading those things about myself, awakened something in the compass of my brain.

B. Next on my path to enlightenment would have to be watching the Zeitgeist movement documentaries. Out of the 3, I believe the Zeitgeist Addendum is the most important.  Use a movie night, if you have to, to watch this 2+ hour documentary that should blow your mind.


C. Last on my path, for today's blog anyway, I realized that the universe is all energy. We are all energy. All forms of energy affect other forms of energy.  Learn to tap into the energies of the universe correctly, and any thing is possible.

Wait...what? DUDE! 12.19.12

Normally I just stick the plastic wrap and the cardboard tray together in the recycle bin, but this time an idea hit me. Use the cardboard tray for the new fire pit! ....Brilliant!

As i struggle to get the cardboard tray out of its plastic shroud, another idea hit me...make it into a shadow box! That could be so cool! maybe some flowers or some skulls for the kitchen...hmmm, hows it look on the wall?...kinda sticks out, but in a very 3-D way...I like it...oOOooo, what about the inside? the texture on the bottom of the tray is coined sized bubbles...those would make for interesting 3-D...things. Hmmm. Flip it over so its like a fatty canvas...thats kinda cool too. Hmm. What's this black stamp Id have to 2nd coat or decoupage over? 

THIS CORRUGATED FIBREBOARD HAS AN

 EDGE CRUSH TEST OF NOT LESS THAN 23#

INTERNATIONAL PAPER

ELK GROVE, CA

Elk Grove, CA? o wow! Thats local! Wait...Thats cool! My super cool water bottle company uses a company in Elk Grove to package their water! Thats awesome!!.........But wait......why would my super cool spring water company use a company in Elk grove? Do they bottle locally too?

I checked the counter for an empty bottle. Hmmm. Nestle Pure Life. Check.  3 happy stick figure people on the label. Ok. Good Food, Good Life, Nestle. yada Good to talk nestle-purelife.us yada yada NUTRITIONAL COMPASS blah blah blah Please Recycle I do! SOURCE: Public water supply, Sacramento, CA......SOURCE: Public water supply, Sacramento, CA...Sacramento, CA...Public water supply...SOURCE....omg....OMG....Sacramento water? are you kidding me?!.....Public supply...REALLY?! Son of a bitch!!...You mean Ive been drinking Sacramento water after all?...SON OF A BITCH! I thought this shit was spring water!! 

aaaahaha. That's what I get for not reading the labels. $3-ish per case for purified water bottles seems like a bitchin deal. ah...son of a bitch! I looked back at the label of the water bottle. Nestle. Pure life....awe look! Its written so pristine like with that majestic little sunburst behind it. and oh look! The happy little stick figures seem to be rejoicing at this glorious water of...of...Pure Life!! Alas! Its Purified Water: Enhanced with minerals for taste! .....You jackasses with yer tricksy little labels. Yer selling me purified SHIT water!

Lesson learned. I will spring a little extra to buy the better water. get it? hahaha..................well I thought I was punny. At least I now also have some sort of craft project at hand...or maybe just something to burn. Either way, happy ending :)

son of a bitch!