What a difference a day makes. The fog lifts, you can see clearly, and you begin to feel soooo much lighter.
Getting up and blogging this morning turned out to be incredibly therapeutic. Got the $h!t off my chest and helped a few people feel understood in the process. This brings me the warm fuzzy hugs that fuel my happy pill.
After sharing the blog post, social media style, I hopped in the car with a girlfriend and headed off to help some more friends. This was also very therapeutic. Not only did I get to decoupage a mannequin (prepping for the grand opening of The Enchanted Tree), but I got to spend time with some ladies that have incredible warm and inviting energy. I love how people come across my path in life. Almost like it is on purpose.
Before going home, we stopped at my friends house for a brief visit. I ALWAYS love my visits there. Conversation is always about the deeper shit like...needed cognitive change for humanity. My friends son always has a way of helping to have rational and 'scientific' outlooks on my own philosophies. Today he brought up the definition of pseudoscience and listed the "fact check" definitive points, as a sort of refute to Astrology. (I happen to be a very big fan of Astrology. Very big.) I asked him "So then how does psychology become proven through the scientific method?" He busted out a report of Carl Jung's Typology test. On the back was a grid chart of the 16 possible outcomes of personality type. I looked it over, Sensing, Intuition, Thinking, and Feeling. "Water, Air, Earth, Fire" I pointed out. "I am a Grand Trine Earth (pointing to Thinking) and a Grand Trine Air (pointing to Intuition) so that would put me here (pointing to the type according to the grid)" He says "Ok, come take the test." And I did.
Sure as shit, my results were exactly the same as I had indicated before. Hell yes. I did that using what i know about CEFS (Cognitive Energy Firing Sequence...my little working title as an alternative to Astrology) You know what that means? That means I am one step closer to lifting the taboo that is 'astrology'. Connect the dots, dadidi dee. Getting over this hump, in my opinion, is like unlocking the gateway to understanding the human psyche. I have not read a chart and been wrong...yet. Once people see that everyone has their own individual thought firing sequence, then hopefully they can see how we can teach the proper cognitive therapy's from birth. Maybe we will start feeling more love. Stop being so damn sad all the time. Maybe there would be no drug problem or gun problem... or slut problem...(haha. I had to add that. Been there made THAT mistake)
Anyways, it's been an incredible day cognitively, thus far, and the reaction to my post has been overwhelmingly awesome. A support group/therapy center was suggested, and since this is now the second time that idea has crossed my path, it is now on my todo list.
Thank you all for defining my purpose <3
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advice. Show all posts
Friday, February 7, 2014
A Day with Mental Illness
I know for many of you, mental illness is not something that is easy for you to understand. Probably because you can't relate to it...at all. But, the fact is, millions of people suffer from some form of mental illness and there NEEDS to be more understanding. There needs to be more forms of 'therapy' to get through it.
I want to share a little of my experience/battle with Depression.
Yesterday was a friggin doozy. Started off fine, but then all of a sudden, just ONE little thing sent my brain into tunnel vision. It became the only thing I could focus on. It filled me with hurt, anger, fear, and something that I could not hide outwardly (although, you could not tell from my posting on FB as I try to stay chipper as much as I can). I tried very hard to direct my attention elsewhere. I had a photo shoot with my Rock Pets. I tried to read. Nothing was helping. I ended up leaving the house with my notebook and just...stayed away. I thought it might help clear my head. It kinda made things worse. I thought about ramming into every tree, every ditch, or every semi that came my way. When you can't escape your thoughts, you start thinking of getting out...a lot. But, I found a place to park. Watched some Netflix on my phone (that's like having two dialogues going through your head). Then...busted out my notebook and started writing. All the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing came through onto the pages. This is a new thing for me, journal writing. Not only can I use my notes as a part of my study, but it is a HUGE blessing in understanding what I go through one day and is completely gone the next.
The writing helped a wee bit, but I was still feeling prisoner to my thoughts. I came home and went straight to bed. I wanted to sleep... but couldnt. What I needed was a hug. An embrace. Some warmth bringing my senses back to a level playing field. If I had just sought out the hug prior to the plummet, I would have been fine. But I didnt. I couldn't. Instead, for the next 8 hours, I lived in my own hell. Unable to escape, just wanting to be rescued. I missed my kids who are always eager to give me loves. For the last 2 hours of my night, I sat and cried....and cried and cried. There is nothing worse than feeling like you are absolutely alone, even when you know you aren't. (Even sitting here writing this is making me cry, just in remembering).
For me, I know there is a cognitive solution to this. There has to be a way for me to beat this without taking a f**king pill. Thought therapy. More hugs.
If you, or someone you know is having a rough go at it...give them a god damn hug.
I want to share a little of my experience/battle with Depression.
Yesterday was a friggin doozy. Started off fine, but then all of a sudden, just ONE little thing sent my brain into tunnel vision. It became the only thing I could focus on. It filled me with hurt, anger, fear, and something that I could not hide outwardly (although, you could not tell from my posting on FB as I try to stay chipper as much as I can). I tried very hard to direct my attention elsewhere. I had a photo shoot with my Rock Pets. I tried to read. Nothing was helping. I ended up leaving the house with my notebook and just...stayed away. I thought it might help clear my head. It kinda made things worse. I thought about ramming into every tree, every ditch, or every semi that came my way. When you can't escape your thoughts, you start thinking of getting out...a lot. But, I found a place to park. Watched some Netflix on my phone (that's like having two dialogues going through your head). Then...busted out my notebook and started writing. All the thoughts and feelings I was experiencing came through onto the pages. This is a new thing for me, journal writing. Not only can I use my notes as a part of my study, but it is a HUGE blessing in understanding what I go through one day and is completely gone the next.
The writing helped a wee bit, but I was still feeling prisoner to my thoughts. I came home and went straight to bed. I wanted to sleep... but couldnt. What I needed was a hug. An embrace. Some warmth bringing my senses back to a level playing field. If I had just sought out the hug prior to the plummet, I would have been fine. But I didnt. I couldn't. Instead, for the next 8 hours, I lived in my own hell. Unable to escape, just wanting to be rescued. I missed my kids who are always eager to give me loves. For the last 2 hours of my night, I sat and cried....and cried and cried. There is nothing worse than feeling like you are absolutely alone, even when you know you aren't. (Even sitting here writing this is making me cry, just in remembering).
For me, I know there is a cognitive solution to this. There has to be a way for me to beat this without taking a f**king pill. Thought therapy. More hugs.
If you, or someone you know is having a rough go at it...give them a god damn hug.
Friday, January 31, 2014
My Path...
I can't believe it has been over a year since I last posted on my blog. Although...it has been quite the interesting year, that is for sure. 2014 will be my year to start telling you more about my life and everything I have come to learn on my little journey. Let's kick this off with a little re-posting from my Facebook:
I have come to find the answer to life to be rather simple. It's all energy. We know this, but as a whole, do not embrace this. We are stuck in this rut of unhappiness that gets worse by the day.
I have learned who I am, in and out down to the simplest of explanations, and learned to accept it. Learned the why's of the things that I do, the ways that I feel what I feel. I have learned the source of my depression, and through the cognitive effort to change, have stopped scapegoating my reality. I dominate those subconscious tendencies with the foresight, of unwanted consequences from "wrong actions/thoughts", to do the right thing.
2013 was a year of complete reset in my life. The directions I was going in years prior, finally came to a screeching halt, as if to say "Hey Dumbass, yer doin it wrong". (I really wasn't doing life wrong, as everything happens for a reason. I was learning. I am still learning.) My time at the rock yard came to an end. This was hard for me as it was a over a decade of my life. And it was FUN. Rocks, tractors, dirt, oh my. I also ended my time at v103. In hindsight, being in the radio/local music scene was more about learning/feeling/understanding societal woes, for me. Anything from the need for Arts programs in schools, to trying to 'make it' in an overly saturated market place, to what the modeling/vanity industry is doing to women (deeepression), but most of all, that people are f**king sad everywhere. It was very overwhelming for me. I have learned that, cognitively, I am driven to help the world. If I am not helping in some way, I beat myself up for it. Deeepression.
I spent a lot of effort on trying to be informed about current world issues and make educated contributions to logical discussion. (Didn't/doesn't always work for me because I am too idealistic. Too dreamy. I envision peace so easily that I get frustrated that others wont just come and play with me.) It's hard to embark upon the two party 'democratic' failing system. It's hard to convince people that money enslaves us. It's hard to convince people to be ecologically responsible. It's hard to convince people to "just say no to Big Pharma". It's hard to convince people to stop eating McDonald's. It's hard to convince people that 'babies having babies' is a root cause of a lot societal disadvantage. It's hard to convince people to see eye to eye. Everyone is on edge ready to go at each other's throats for 'being different, yet not accepting others differences, yet equally wanting the freedom to be so'. Why?? Doesnt that seem so...draining?
I am getting my FREE education on in an effort to be better versed in facts and theories. Kinda tired of not being able to debate on account that i have nothing to reference. Makes me feel like an idiot...which I'm not. Deepression. I have this vision, in which life is so stinkin simple, but i have to cross some hurdles to get there. I want to bridge the gap between science and spirituality. Help heal all the 'being different' -isms. I want to make strides in the ways we view mental illness and the methods in which we treat it, for that too, I find to have simple solutions. I need to prove my theories, in a scientific fashion, conducting research and studies. It's going to be a long road for me, as it's an about face from my Business Degree pursuits, but it's already fulfilling it's purpose in it's infancy stages.
So that's pretty much all I can think about anymore. It's what gives me motivation to accomplish things throughout the day. Gives me motivation to embrace art and all the things that make life FUN. It gives me motivation to be the change. The world is about to have a reset of it's own soon, and I just want to be ready to help heal it.
***Many of you have been willingly participating in my ongoing research, and for that I am grateful. (Many famous and influential people have been participating too, but they dont know that :p ) Some of you I talk to on a regular basis about my findings, and soon, I will be able to go over my research with everyone. It's quite amazing to me really, and I have never geeked out so hard over anything in my entire life. Even my husband, who has to listen to my frequent ramblings, has become versed in some of the terminology as a result. Hehe. ***
I have come to find the answer to life to be rather simple. It's all energy. We know this, but as a whole, do not embrace this. We are stuck in this rut of unhappiness that gets worse by the day.
I have learned who I am, in and out down to the simplest of explanations, and learned to accept it. Learned the why's of the things that I do, the ways that I feel what I feel. I have learned the source of my depression, and through the cognitive effort to change, have stopped scapegoating my reality. I dominate those subconscious tendencies with the foresight, of unwanted consequences from "wrong actions/thoughts", to do the right thing.
2013 was a year of complete reset in my life. The directions I was going in years prior, finally came to a screeching halt, as if to say "Hey Dumbass, yer doin it wrong". (I really wasn't doing life wrong, as everything happens for a reason. I was learning. I am still learning.) My time at the rock yard came to an end. This was hard for me as it was a over a decade of my life. And it was FUN. Rocks, tractors, dirt, oh my. I also ended my time at v103. In hindsight, being in the radio/local music scene was more about learning/feeling/understanding societal woes, for me. Anything from the need for Arts programs in schools, to trying to 'make it' in an overly saturated market place, to what the modeling/vanity industry is doing to women (deeepression), but most of all, that people are f**king sad everywhere. It was very overwhelming for me. I have learned that, cognitively, I am driven to help the world. If I am not helping in some way, I beat myself up for it. Deeepression.
I spent a lot of effort on trying to be informed about current world issues and make educated contributions to logical discussion. (Didn't/doesn't always work for me because I am too idealistic. Too dreamy. I envision peace so easily that I get frustrated that others wont just come and play with me.) It's hard to embark upon the two party 'democratic' failing system. It's hard to convince people that money enslaves us. It's hard to convince people to be ecologically responsible. It's hard to convince people to "just say no to Big Pharma". It's hard to convince people to stop eating McDonald's. It's hard to convince people that 'babies having babies' is a root cause of a lot societal disadvantage. It's hard to convince people to see eye to eye. Everyone is on edge ready to go at each other's throats for 'being different, yet not accepting others differences, yet equally wanting the freedom to be so'. Why?? Doesnt that seem so...draining?
I am getting my FREE education on in an effort to be better versed in facts and theories. Kinda tired of not being able to debate on account that i have nothing to reference. Makes me feel like an idiot...which I'm not. Deepression. I have this vision, in which life is so stinkin simple, but i have to cross some hurdles to get there. I want to bridge the gap between science and spirituality. Help heal all the 'being different' -isms. I want to make strides in the ways we view mental illness and the methods in which we treat it, for that too, I find to have simple solutions. I need to prove my theories, in a scientific fashion, conducting research and studies. It's going to be a long road for me, as it's an about face from my Business Degree pursuits, but it's already fulfilling it's purpose in it's infancy stages.
So that's pretty much all I can think about anymore. It's what gives me motivation to accomplish things throughout the day. Gives me motivation to embrace art and all the things that make life FUN. It gives me motivation to be the change. The world is about to have a reset of it's own soon, and I just want to be ready to help heal it.
***Many of you have been willingly participating in my ongoing research, and for that I am grateful. (Many famous and influential people have been participating too, but they dont know that :p ) Some of you I talk to on a regular basis about my findings, and soon, I will be able to go over my research with everyone. It's quite amazing to me really, and I have never geeked out so hard over anything in my entire life. Even my husband, who has to listen to my frequent ramblings, has become versed in some of the terminology as a result. Hehe. ***
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Wake Up! Enlightenment is Happening!
I believe you will never be truly happy unless you know and accept who you are and then find your place in this universe. Life is not
about materialistic bullshit. (Are YOU keeping up with the Kardashians?) I
believe our true purpose in life is to embrace and utilize whatever
creativity we have, to better the universe.
2013 is the year. I believe that we entered into the Age of Aquarius as of the end of the Mayan Calendar. They charted the stars thru to the end of an age. The Age of Enlightenment. Halleluiah!! I am officially over all the bs of the UN-enlightened. And seriously, my "DING, lights are on!" moment encompassed a great many things. I truly hope that more people come to their own 'enlightenment' soon. Like really wake up. UNfortunately, people will not 'wake up' until they are ready to receive new open-minded information.
Want to know more?
Here are three things that have been life changers for me:
A. Depression levels are so high throughout the world. Why? Because the voices in our head are LOUD, we dont always know how to turn them off, and psychology without astrology sucks. This is how I put my depression in check:
B. Next on my path to enlightenment would have to be watching the Zeitgeist movement documentaries. Out of the 3, I believe the Zeitgeist Addendum is the most important. Use a movie night, if you have to, to watch this 2+ hour documentary that should blow your mind.
C. Last on my path, for today's blog anyway, I realized that the universe is all energy. We are all energy. All forms of energy affect other forms of energy. Learn to tap into the energies of the universe correctly, and any thing is possible.
2013 is the year. I believe that we entered into the Age of Aquarius as of the end of the Mayan Calendar. They charted the stars thru to the end of an age. The Age of Enlightenment. Halleluiah!! I am officially over all the bs of the UN-enlightened. And seriously, my "DING, lights are on!" moment encompassed a great many things. I truly hope that more people come to their own 'enlightenment' soon. Like really wake up. UNfortunately, people will not 'wake up' until they are ready to receive new open-minded information.
Want to know more?
Here are three things that have been life changers for me:
A. Depression levels are so high throughout the world. Why? Because the voices in our head are LOUD, we dont always know how to turn them off, and psychology without astrology sucks. This is how I put my depression in check:
- 1st. I read my Natal Chart. Did you know that there is more to your 'sign' than just your sun sign? (In my case, Capricorn.) Each planet in our solar system has a different affect on your personality, from your heart, to thought process, and even how you might be in the sack. The following link will take you to a place where you can enter your birth info, and get an astrological breakdown on the basics of you. Click Here.
- 2nd. I just discovered the 12 Houses in astrology...that's nerd speak for the voices in your head. This is a little more complicated to figure out. But you can Click Here to see a description of the Sun sign thru the 12 Houses. There will also be links in the right hand column to see how the other planets affect you in each of the houses. Want to know more? Come back later for a blog post dedicated to the houses!
B. Next on my path to enlightenment would have to be watching the Zeitgeist movement documentaries. Out of the 3, I believe the Zeitgeist Addendum is the most important. Use a movie night, if you have to, to watch this 2+ hour documentary that should blow your mind.
C. Last on my path, for today's blog anyway, I realized that the universe is all energy. We are all energy. All forms of energy affect other forms of energy. Learn to tap into the energies of the universe correctly, and any thing is possible.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
To be or not to be...a parent.
Reflecting on my experience as a mom arouses so many deep rooted emotions that are sometimes hard to swallow or even acknowledge. I was definitely not ready to be a mom at 19... I didnt have much direction from my parents on how to be a responsible adult, let alone be a mom. I can still remember the sheer look of disappointment on their faces when I told them the news and how I felt marked with that scarlet letter of shame. Not much changed out in public while a baby was toting around a baby...grocery stores, doctors visits...friends.
The day I had my oldest, I put on a big smile and happy face for all the visitors that came and went, but I remember not wanting to hold him and not having any emotional connection to him at all. This made me feel guilty because instinctively I knew that this thing was supposed to be the love of my life. He was a part of me...the fruit of my loins, but I somehow resented the very fact that he was there. That night, after everyone was gone and it was just me and him, I forced myself to hold him...to inspect him...to soak in the miracle before me. Tears began to stream down my face as the warmth of love I felt for this tiny little creature filled my heart.
It is a very weird emotional dilemma to have unconditional love for a child and have the desires to dick around like the rest of your friends. On the outside, you portray enthusiasm to be the best mom ever and prove every one wrong on the baby raising babies theory, but on the inside, you are tormented on the life lost and the adventures not taken with your premature responsibility endeavor. (The funny part is...I never realized that this was how I was feeling until years down the road.)
I didnt just stop there. Nooooo! I did it again and was knocked up on my 21st birthday. While all my friends were out getting legally shit-faced on their birthdays, I was at home, sitting on the couch stuffing my face with junk food cravings. Oddly enough tho, I was in love with being pregnant with my daughter. There was some sort of extra estrogenized hormone therapy going on inside that gave me delight. After she was born tho...depression was starting to sink back in. Maybe not depression...maybe just resentment that kept me from fully engulfing them with love. I didnt neglect them, mind you...they had food, baths, diapers changed, affection and other essentials...my mind was just always on me. How MY needs werent being met yet these little shits got all of theirs... LOL. maaaaan...so selfish!
I had my third at 24. Having a baby, at this point, was kind of routine. I didnt have to learn how to change a diaper or make a bottle or support the neck...because now it was all so engrained. But ooooh holy shit...having 3 kids is insane ( i cant imagine having more). They ALL need your attention ALL of the time. While I did love each of them and tried to be good by them, I still felt so detached. I hadnt quite figured out how to juggle parenthood and find my place in society. I neglected myself and my needs. Hell...I didnt even know who myself was nor what the hell I needed! I was completely lost.
Then...life drastically changed. Enough was enough with my love life (an entirely different chapter in my book) and I became a single mom of 3 in '08. It was like I suddenly woke up and saw outside the box for a change. Finding the compass I so desperately needed soon followed...
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Closet Tips...
I spent a portion of my Christmas Day free time re-organizing my closet. This also included giving The Him the dresser and taking over the ENTIRE closet :)
I happen to crave organization although I am terrible with the upkeep. But when its done, it is esthetically very pleasing.
I have a ZERO budget when it comes to allocating awesome organization
tools, so along the way I had to improvise on some things...thought I
would share.
Perhaps its a little OCD, but i HAVE to have all the same color hangers and my clothes HAVE to be seperated by color. So much easier for me to find crap that way. (plaid IS a color btw...Please note that I KNOW I have a lot of clothes. Half of them are my 'skinny' clothes man...SOMEDAY I will be able to wear them again :-P )
First issue I had was in this hanging organizer. Ive had it for 7 or 8 years and it is now officially broken, but I still needed something to organize different articles of clothing. So... I TURNED IT SIDEWAYS and stuck it on the shelf!
plaid bottoms, skirts, long shorts, short shorts, pjs
It also helped that I confiscated one of these organizers from The Him in the switch, so I still have a place for my jeans.
The second issue I had was in my floppy boots. I know they make things that you can buy and stick in your boot legs...but I cant bring myself to spend money on something I can create myself. Thus...this idea. I had just finished, in the days prior, wrapping presents and coincidentally used a LOT of rolls of wrapping paper. Guess whats on the inside of those rolls...cardboard tubes of sorts. Guess what I tend to hoard...random shit that can be used later.
Step 1: Cut! I cut mine in half because I have tall boots!!
Step 2: Insert into boot, all the way to the bottom.
I happen to crave organization although I am terrible with the upkeep. But when its done, it is esthetically very pleasing. Perhaps its a little OCD, but i HAVE to have all the same color hangers and my clothes HAVE to be seperated by color. So much easier for me to find crap that way. (plaid IS a color btw...Please note that I KNOW I have a lot of clothes. Half of them are my 'skinny' clothes man...SOMEDAY I will be able to wear them again :-P )
plaid bottoms, skirts, long shorts, short shorts, pjs
It also helped that I confiscated one of these organizers from The Him in the switch, so I still have a place for my jeans.
The second issue I had was in my floppy boots. I know they make things that you can buy and stick in your boot legs...but I cant bring myself to spend money on something I can create myself. Thus...this idea. I had just finished, in the days prior, wrapping presents and coincidentally used a LOT of rolls of wrapping paper. Guess whats on the inside of those rolls...cardboard tubes of sorts. Guess what I tend to hoard...random shit that can be used later.
Step 1: Cut! I cut mine in half because I have tall boots!!
Step 2: Insert into boot, all the way to the bottom.
Step 3: ENJOY!!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Wait...what? DUDE! 12.19.12
Normally I just stick the plastic wrap and the cardboard tray together in the recycle bin, but this time an idea hit me. Use the cardboard tray for the new fire pit! ....Brilliant!
As i struggle to get the cardboard tray out of its plastic shroud, another idea hit me...make it into a shadow box! That could be so cool! maybe some flowers or some skulls for the kitchen...hmmm, hows it look on the wall?...kinda sticks out, but in a very 3-D way...I like it...oOOooo, what about the inside? the texture on the bottom of the tray is coined sized bubbles...those would make for interesting 3-D...things. Hmmm. Flip it over so its like a fatty canvas...thats kinda cool too. Hmm. What's this black stamp Id have to 2nd coat or decoupage over?
As i struggle to get the cardboard tray out of its plastic shroud, another idea hit me...make it into a shadow box! That could be so cool! maybe some flowers or some skulls for the kitchen...hmmm, hows it look on the wall?...kinda sticks out, but in a very 3-D way...I like it...oOOooo, what about the inside? the texture on the bottom of the tray is coined sized bubbles...those would make for interesting 3-D...things. Hmmm. Flip it over so its like a fatty canvas...thats kinda cool too. Hmm. What's this black stamp Id have to 2nd coat or decoupage over?
THIS CORRUGATED FIBREBOARD HAS AN
EDGE CRUSH TEST OF NOT LESS THAN 23#
INTERNATIONAL PAPER
ELK GROVE, CA
Elk Grove, CA? o wow! Thats local! Wait...Thats cool! My super cool water bottle company uses a company in Elk Grove to package their water! Thats awesome!!.........But wait......why would my super cool spring water company use a company in Elk grove? Do they bottle locally too?
I checked the counter for an empty bottle. Hmmm. Nestle Pure Life. Check. 3 happy stick figure people on the label. Ok. Good Food, Good Life, Nestle. yada Good to talk nestle-purelife.us yada yada NUTRITIONAL COMPASS blah blah blah Please Recycle I do! SOURCE: Public water supply, Sacramento, CA......SOURCE: Public water supply, Sacramento, CA...Sacramento, CA...Public water supply...SOURCE....omg....OMG....Sacramento water? are you kidding me?!.....Public supply...REALLY?! Son of a bitch!!...You mean Ive been drinking Sacramento water after all?...SON OF A BITCH! I thought this shit was spring water!!
aaaahaha. That's what I get for not reading the labels. $3-ish per case for purified water bottles seems like a bitchin deal. ah...son of a bitch! I looked back at the label of the water bottle. Nestle. Pure life....awe look! Its written so pristine like with that majestic little sunburst behind it. and oh look! The happy little stick figures seem to be rejoicing at this glorious water of...of...Pure Life!! Alas! Its Purified Water: Enhanced with minerals for taste! .....You jackasses with yer tricksy little labels. Yer selling me purified SHIT water!
Lesson learned. I will spring a little extra to buy the better water. get it? hahaha..................well I thought I was punny. At least I now also have some sort of craft project at hand...or maybe just something to burn. Either way, happy ending :)
son of a bitch!
Thursday, December 6, 2012
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